Saturday, June 5, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
I don't know about you guys but...
Every now and then you have to get on the other side of the bar to enjoy what you're missing when you're behind it... Especially when you are at you're own place of work... The best part is dancing and drinking with your friends and regulars... The worst part is knowing that they sold 18 bottles of Crystal and you're NOT laughing your way to the bank... However!!! You're spirit is laughing it's way all the way to your tempurpedic! Good night all! DJ Metric... AKA Danny... You rule! Becky, thank you for letting London wear your hat all night... Anthony, thank you for letting me jam with your hat :) Evan, thank you for busting my balls about my tofu and quinoa again AS USUAL!
Peace out!
Zzzzzzzzzz...
Peace out!
Zzzzzzzzzz...
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Holiday's
Is it me or do the freaks come out this time of year!? Come on peep's drink a little less... This too shall pass...
Friday, October 23, 2009
Benzoylmethylecgonine
Is it me or is it beyond obvious when someone needs a drink to "bring them down"
It amazes me how "off the hook" some people can get... Extreme dancing or grinding of the teeth are probably two of the biggest give aways. I must say that this is very uncomfortable to experience. I run to these people first for a few reasons. 1.) They are usually hanging over the bar flagging me down as if their kid just got ran over by a bus and they need someone to dial 911 2.) They are causing a commotion that they completely unaware of 3.) I'm afraid their heart will explode if I don't get to them fast enough!
The great thing is that there is no such thing as over serving when it comes to these people. It's like a sand bag in a storm... Do you think I should recommend a yoga class or two?
It amazes me how "off the hook" some people can get... Extreme dancing or grinding of the teeth are probably two of the biggest give aways. I must say that this is very uncomfortable to experience. I run to these people first for a few reasons. 1.) They are usually hanging over the bar flagging me down as if their kid just got ran over by a bus and they need someone to dial 911 2.) They are causing a commotion that they completely unaware of 3.) I'm afraid their heart will explode if I don't get to them fast enough!
The great thing is that there is no such thing as over serving when it comes to these people. It's like a sand bag in a storm... Do you think I should recommend a yoga class or two?
Friday, September 4, 2009
Bartender's Wet Dream (Posted By Drink Queen)
Hahaha, peaked your interest? Well, no I didn't have one and no, it's not a drink! A "bartender's wet dream" can be several things. For me, this is what it is:
1. A psychic barback, who knows all things to come. The MVP of the whole operation. THe one who has the bottle of Grey Goose opened with a speed pourer and slides it into my hand while I am making a drink. A barback, who looks at the tickets on the service bar, without pulling them and gets me all of the glassware, beer and wines for all the drinks I need to make in the middle of a 300 cover happy hour. Who is always pleasant and hugs. Whom I swear has an S on his chest or at least shaved into their chest hair.
Stop shaking your head in disbelief!!! Such a thing exists!
His name is Ricardo and when I work I think I am slightly in love with him. (when I work;) lol. I watch him and a tear slowly runs down my cheek from pride and amazement. He would make a killer bartender. Go Ricardo!! (ay papi!)
Oh wait!! Did I mention he makes a KILLER guacamole?!?
And I will never give him up.
I will take him everywhere I go by bribery and bedroom eyes, hahaha. No really.
2. Is the guest who doesn't complain, nor takes your time, doesn't modify their order, can handle their alcohol and tips at least 50%.
Oh well, one out of two ain't bad!!!
The Game of Monopoly (Posted By Drink Queen)
The Game of Monopoly
Bar Monopoly that is, lol. Confused? Well let me elaborate;) There is always that one person at the bar that wants to monopolize the bartender's time. There are several reasons for this.
1. Loneliness
2. Indecisiveness
3. Disillusionment
4. Jealousy
5. Does not play well with others
6. Ego-maniac
7. Alcoholic
Whatever the reason, at no point, is it ok to monopolize the bartenders time. We must share our love amongst the others, occasionally showing more love to some;)
My favorite is the 1/2 disillusioned 1/2 ego-maniac. The one who wants the bartender, asks all types of inappropriate questions, such as age and attachment status and tips one dollar on happy hour. I love you...NOT. The only thing that I admire here is the balls it takes to habitually do this. Clearly, I only admire this behavior when I am watching being "done" to another bartender friend. So wrong, but so fun!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
B.O. Blog! (LITERALLY)
Every now and then there is that customer with the horrific body odor that stands at your bar. Usually you can't figure out who it is and all you can do is your best to not throw up... Occasionally another customer will bitch and moan about it, but for the most part everyone just shuts up, deals with it and hopes to high heaven that whoever it is finds their way out of the bar quickly!
Tonight was putrefaction at it's finest! In all sincerity I had to spray the Oust can twice and fan it around. It was a sour stench that made me avoid that end of the bar completely. At this point I'm not only getting sick, but I'm starting to get mad. It's offensive to everyone and it is completely unacceptable; PERIOD!
Well, I am happy to say she was found and escorted outside. Her friend had to translate the message which was delivered in the nicest way possible... It was apparently a REALLY uncomfortable situation, but I must say that I, and other customers, were very happy to finally see someone do something about it.
Maybe she'll start wearing deodorant. Maybe there is nothing she can do about it and just needs a serious liver detox... Either which way, I do hope she finds herself some new friends! Ones who will give her the heads up before a complete stranger has no choice but to!
Tonight was putrefaction at it's finest! In all sincerity I had to spray the Oust can twice and fan it around. It was a sour stench that made me avoid that end of the bar completely. At this point I'm not only getting sick, but I'm starting to get mad. It's offensive to everyone and it is completely unacceptable; PERIOD!
Well, I am happy to say she was found and escorted outside. Her friend had to translate the message which was delivered in the nicest way possible... It was apparently a REALLY uncomfortable situation, but I must say that I, and other customers, were very happy to finally see someone do something about it.
Maybe she'll start wearing deodorant. Maybe there is nothing she can do about it and just needs a serious liver detox... Either which way, I do hope she finds herself some new friends! Ones who will give her the heads up before a complete stranger has no choice but to!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Bartending is very different this side of the atlantic (Posted By Shane)
There are many similarities between bartenders everywhere and the crap we all have to deal with, but unfortunatley here in the UK things are very different from most of you guys in the states and canada. Having briefly lived in New York, I would kill to work as a bartender over there full time.
Here in the London and the uk as a whole, most rookie bartenders earn minimum wage a measly 5.80 pounds an hour, and even some of the guys longer in the tooth earn maybe 7-8 quid an hour, however the kicker is our tips are realitively nothing, maybe a crummy $30-50 on a good night. The problem here is that most bartenders are students looking for a quick buck and bosses are only happy to employ them on the cheap and don't care about the standard of the crap they flog.
This causes major problems for us guys in for the long haul and leaves us with 3 choices, 1 is quit and get "a real job" (not happening: early mornings, offices-no chance!)
Another is to learn quickly and be a bar whore switching jobs every few months gathering more and more experience and hopefully getting into a good cocktail bar, where the pay is much better, as are the tips but with so few around this is extremely difficult and is achieved more by luck than skill.
The final choice is to prove your worth and get into management asap, working up the ranks from supervisor, to head bartender, bar manager and God forbid general manager.
This is the road I have been forced to take, in this capacity I now deal less and less with customers, make less drinks and spend more time at my laptop and dealing with the general managers problems, doing rota's and other disinteresting shit. So what has happened is that london's best bartenders are now forced to give up what they enjoy and are good at (serving quality drinks and dealing with customers) to sustain a living and therefore the industry is left in a shambles with bottomfeeders throwing out slurried drinks without care or passion.
Don't get me wrong i'm more than grateful to have a job with a decent wage but I feel my fervour and love of this industry is being wasted, and I believe this trend has to stop very soon if our industry is going to survive with any of its reputation intact.
During my time working as a bartender in NYC I was amazed at the level of respect the bartenders were shown comparison to london, where we command just a bit more respect the homeless and just a bit less than the trash man. Unfortunatley there is no tipping culture in the uk whatsoever and many of the bottomfeeders don't even bother to try to earn tips by working harder, they see is as a waste of energy as they are guranteed money for their shift anyway.
Overall I hope things change fast otherwise the industry here in the uk is screwed, which would be a terrible thing with olympics fast approaching.
Anyone got a spare green card?
Here in the London and the uk as a whole, most rookie bartenders earn minimum wage a measly 5.80 pounds an hour, and even some of the guys longer in the tooth earn maybe 7-8 quid an hour, however the kicker is our tips are realitively nothing, maybe a crummy $30-50 on a good night. The problem here is that most bartenders are students looking for a quick buck and bosses are only happy to employ them on the cheap and don't care about the standard of the crap they flog.
This causes major problems for us guys in for the long haul and leaves us with 3 choices, 1 is quit and get "a real job" (not happening: early mornings, offices-no chance!)
Another is to learn quickly and be a bar whore switching jobs every few months gathering more and more experience and hopefully getting into a good cocktail bar, where the pay is much better, as are the tips but with so few around this is extremely difficult and is achieved more by luck than skill.
The final choice is to prove your worth and get into management asap, working up the ranks from supervisor, to head bartender, bar manager and God forbid general manager.
This is the road I have been forced to take, in this capacity I now deal less and less with customers, make less drinks and spend more time at my laptop and dealing with the general managers problems, doing rota's and other disinteresting shit. So what has happened is that london's best bartenders are now forced to give up what they enjoy and are good at (serving quality drinks and dealing with customers) to sustain a living and therefore the industry is left in a shambles with bottomfeeders throwing out slurried drinks without care or passion.
Don't get me wrong i'm more than grateful to have a job with a decent wage but I feel my fervour and love of this industry is being wasted, and I believe this trend has to stop very soon if our industry is going to survive with any of its reputation intact.
During my time working as a bartender in NYC I was amazed at the level of respect the bartenders were shown comparison to london, where we command just a bit more respect the homeless and just a bit less than the trash man. Unfortunatley there is no tipping culture in the uk whatsoever and many of the bottomfeeders don't even bother to try to earn tips by working harder, they see is as a waste of energy as they are guranteed money for their shift anyway.
Overall I hope things change fast otherwise the industry here in the uk is screwed, which would be a terrible thing with olympics fast approaching.
Anyone got a spare green card?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
If you want to strike up a conversation...
...then think of something intelligent to talk about. PLEASE! ...Every Tom, Dick and Harry feels the need to inquire about me and my life... I'm over talking about me and honestly it's none of your business considering that we just met... If you REALLY want to know about me then keep coming back. Regulars have the right to learn about the personal details... Not the new guy... In the meantime lets talk about movies, books, politics, art, the particle collider, North Korea and their 4th of July plans, Ren & Stimpy... You get my point...
Seriously...
Don't ask me if I'm an actress. I know we live in LA but this question is getting really old...
Don't ask me what I do on my free time
Don't ask me where I live (yes, a guy asked me this tonight!)
Don't ask me how my boyfriend feels about me being a bartender (this is the LAMEST attempt to find out if I am single or not)
Don't try to talk yourself up in any way, shape or form. Just BE! ...Last night a guy made it an obvious point to mention that he was a doctor. I guess he assumed that I didn't hear him since I never inquired as to what kind of doctor he was. So, upon signing out his tab he left a note which read, "If you're single and want to date a really annoying doctor then please call or text me @ 310-495-5412..." 1.) I heard you the first time 2.) I still could care less... 3.) Texting is going to be the death of relationships. Do you really want to start off that way!? ...Mind you, at the same time the waitress is being talked up by some dude who's rambling on about his porshe, ferrari, etc... Bottom line is, if you use external things to win girls over then you most likely have nothing to offer that I'd be interested in...
People, just be real... If you have nothing interesting in your noggin that you are truly interested in conversing about then zip it until you do... Don't desperatly reach for something to fill the space. It's brain numbing and makes me want to find a glass to clean on the other side of the bar...
P.s. The doctors number found a home in the trash... However, I do recommend that you call the number above for a good laugh...
~Peace
Seriously...
Don't ask me if I'm an actress. I know we live in LA but this question is getting really old...
Don't ask me what I do on my free time
Don't ask me where I live (yes, a guy asked me this tonight!)
Don't ask me how my boyfriend feels about me being a bartender (this is the LAMEST attempt to find out if I am single or not)
Don't try to talk yourself up in any way, shape or form. Just BE! ...Last night a guy made it an obvious point to mention that he was a doctor. I guess he assumed that I didn't hear him since I never inquired as to what kind of doctor he was. So, upon signing out his tab he left a note which read, "If you're single and want to date a really annoying doctor then please call or text me @ 310-495-5412..." 1.) I heard you the first time 2.) I still could care less... 3.) Texting is going to be the death of relationships. Do you really want to start off that way!? ...Mind you, at the same time the waitress is being talked up by some dude who's rambling on about his porshe, ferrari, etc... Bottom line is, if you use external things to win girls over then you most likely have nothing to offer that I'd be interested in...
People, just be real... If you have nothing interesting in your noggin that you are truly interested in conversing about then zip it until you do... Don't desperatly reach for something to fill the space. It's brain numbing and makes me want to find a glass to clean on the other side of the bar...
P.s. The doctors number found a home in the trash... However, I do recommend that you call the number above for a good laugh...
~Peace
Monday, June 22, 2009
Not on the bar please? (Posted By Shane)
Of course alcohol makes us all do silly things, be it think we're more attractive, sing, dance etc. But please guys if you do hook up with someone in the bar, think about what your doing and where you are!
Saturday was pretty busy and we had a large group of guys in after watching the rugby and some girls on a hen party. Obviously after a few drinks some of the guys and girls hit it off and were kissing, no problems there, even if I'm not one for public displays of affection myself. But later on one of the couples were groping and kissing eachother at the bar taking up, what I call some valuable real estate, especially on a Saturday night. As it was coming towards the end of the night I said nothing and kept working away.
Anyway 10 mins later I'm making a round of B52's (each carefully layered) and 4 Dirty Martini's when the previously mentioned girl from the couple jumped backwards up on the bar and knocks all the drinks over! I'm kinda pissed now and tell her I want the money for the round she's just spilled but only when I look closely I notice the guy has his cock out and she it wearing no underwear that I really lose it. These guys were going to have sex on my bar, in front of me and hundreds of others without a care in the world! So as she forks out the cash I tell them to cool off and unleash the soda gun on them! Needless to say they weren't happy but the other customers were bent double laughing and I finished the night much happier.
So just to close I have some knowledge I can pass on, if you can't wait til you get home to get it on, at least be clever and use the disabled toilets (their more spacious!) or the side alleyway but never ever on the bar!
Saturday was pretty busy and we had a large group of guys in after watching the rugby and some girls on a hen party. Obviously after a few drinks some of the guys and girls hit it off and were kissing, no problems there, even if I'm not one for public displays of affection myself. But later on one of the couples were groping and kissing eachother at the bar taking up, what I call some valuable real estate, especially on a Saturday night. As it was coming towards the end of the night I said nothing and kept working away.
Anyway 10 mins later I'm making a round of B52's (each carefully layered) and 4 Dirty Martini's when the previously mentioned girl from the couple jumped backwards up on the bar and knocks all the drinks over! I'm kinda pissed now and tell her I want the money for the round she's just spilled but only when I look closely I notice the guy has his cock out and she it wearing no underwear that I really lose it. These guys were going to have sex on my bar, in front of me and hundreds of others without a care in the world! So as she forks out the cash I tell them to cool off and unleash the soda gun on them! Needless to say they weren't happy but the other customers were bent double laughing and I finished the night much happier.
So just to close I have some knowledge I can pass on, if you can't wait til you get home to get it on, at least be clever and use the disabled toilets (their more spacious!) or the side alleyway but never ever on the bar!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
"Hello Kitty"
Okay, I feel obligated to put this one out there... What's up with the Hello Kitty logo on your credit card girls!??!? Get a National Geographic Logo. A sports team you like. Maybe even your college's logo! In the worst case scenario get the cute PETA puppy and kitten logo but NOT Hello Kitty!!! ...Some of you are actually really cute so you could even put a sexy picture on your credit card AND it would also double as theft protection!
...I think to myself, "If I were a guy and some chick pulled out her credit card to pay for a round of drinks I'd be tickled pink! That is of course until I realized that her pink credit card was in fact a Hello Kitty credit card." That's the equivillent of a man pulling out a Mutant Ninja Turtle Visa Card!
I'd start to wonder if she's wearing Hello Kitty panties!? Is she any good in the sack??? Does she have a corny laugh?! What's the wattage of the bulb upstairs? There are a million other things I would also be thinking but in my attempt to expedite this blog I will carry on and say that I don't think my conscience would have allowed me to let her buy the round of drinks... After all she may need that money for her new Hannah Montana doll she's been saving up for...
Is this where I stop? Am I out of line here? I think this is where I will stop and ask you to share some thoughts...
GOOD NIGHT!
Boo-yah!
...I think to myself, "If I were a guy and some chick pulled out her credit card to pay for a round of drinks I'd be tickled pink! That is of course until I realized that her pink credit card was in fact a Hello Kitty credit card." That's the equivillent of a man pulling out a Mutant Ninja Turtle Visa Card!
I'd start to wonder if she's wearing Hello Kitty panties!? Is she any good in the sack??? Does she have a corny laugh?! What's the wattage of the bulb upstairs? There are a million other things I would also be thinking but in my attempt to expedite this blog I will carry on and say that I don't think my conscience would have allowed me to let her buy the round of drinks... After all she may need that money for her new Hannah Montana doll she's been saving up for...
Is this where I stop? Am I out of line here? I think this is where I will stop and ask you to share some thoughts...
GOOD NIGHT!
Boo-yah!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Beer
Customer: "What kind of beer do you have?"
Bartender: "Amstel Light, Miller Light, Red Stripe, Fat Tire, Blue Moon, Miller 64 and Peroni."
Customer: "I'll take a New Castle."
...Seriously... WTF? ...Scary part is that this happens ALL the time...
Bartender: "Amstel Light, Miller Light, Red Stripe, Fat Tire, Blue Moon, Miller 64 and Peroni."
Customer: "I'll take a New Castle."
...Seriously... WTF? ...Scary part is that this happens ALL the time...
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Payment...
When you go to the grocery store you don't buy your items one at a time? Nor do you eat them before you purchase them... I would also hope that when the cashier gives you the total that you wouldn't sit there on the phone and yap away, making her wait as everyone else behind you is also waiting to check out...
Customer #1.) I actually had a guy tell me to hold on and wait for payment as he sat there texting... Yes, he even held a finger up as he barely looked me in the eye... I couldn't help but wait to see how long he would take. ...A minute was unacceptable considering it was midnight on a Friday night. This particular guy open and closed his tab a total of four times in the course of the night. Each time I would ask him, "Is this your last round?" Each time he would reply with a yes. ...On the fourth time he had the audacity to tell me that I looked mad... Common sense never appeared to dawn on him so I figured, why waste my breath? I just smiled at him and said no... Not at all...
Customer #2.) Grabbed his shots, walked away from the bar to do them with his friends on the dance floor then proceeded to stand there and talk oblivious to the fact that someone behind him was waiting for cash or at least a credit card (which he'd probably close right out to reopen again later)...
Customer #3.) Ahh... the guy who pulls crumbled bills out of his pocket and drops them on the bar for you to sort... By the time you straighten & sort them, he's long gone and you realize he left you a one dollar tip an a $29 order...
Customer #4) The one that actually opens a tab from the very first order, waits patiently when he needs more drinks without flagging his hand in your face or leaning over the bars center point into your well, orders all his drinks at one time, looks you straight in the eye, cell phone in pocket, says thank you, offers you a shot (which I had to graciously decline since I was not up for drinking) and upon closing his tab, tips you over 20%, hands you his signed copy along with the pen, gives a sincere thank you and a good night...
And some people wonder why they get ignored...
Customer #1.) I actually had a guy tell me to hold on and wait for payment as he sat there texting... Yes, he even held a finger up as he barely looked me in the eye... I couldn't help but wait to see how long he would take. ...A minute was unacceptable considering it was midnight on a Friday night. This particular guy open and closed his tab a total of four times in the course of the night. Each time I would ask him, "Is this your last round?" Each time he would reply with a yes. ...On the fourth time he had the audacity to tell me that I looked mad... Common sense never appeared to dawn on him so I figured, why waste my breath? I just smiled at him and said no... Not at all...
Customer #2.) Grabbed his shots, walked away from the bar to do them with his friends on the dance floor then proceeded to stand there and talk oblivious to the fact that someone behind him was waiting for cash or at least a credit card (which he'd probably close right out to reopen again later)...
Customer #3.) Ahh... the guy who pulls crumbled bills out of his pocket and drops them on the bar for you to sort... By the time you straighten & sort them, he's long gone and you realize he left you a one dollar tip an a $29 order...
Customer #4) The one that actually opens a tab from the very first order, waits patiently when he needs more drinks without flagging his hand in your face or leaning over the bars center point into your well, orders all his drinks at one time, looks you straight in the eye, cell phone in pocket, says thank you, offers you a shot (which I had to graciously decline since I was not up for drinking) and upon closing his tab, tips you over 20%, hands you his signed copy along with the pen, gives a sincere thank you and a good night...
And some people wonder why they get ignored...
Monday, May 11, 2009
This is how it works...
A few people seemed to be confused as to how this works...
This is a blog set up for bartenders (as well as other people in the service industry). The blog allows for 100 authors. In order to become a blogging author you must let me know so that I may send you an invite to do so.
Because this is being passed on and some of you don't have my email address you can notify me that you want to be an author by just sending me an email at info@bartendersvent.com
You will need to sign up then you can blog away. If you want to remain anonymous then go for it!
Once you are signed up you may blog away instead of chewing your co-workers ears off... I like to think of this as a Service Support Group ;-)
Peace Bloggers!
~ Dana
This is a blog set up for bartenders (as well as other people in the service industry). The blog allows for 100 authors. In order to become a blogging author you must let me know so that I may send you an invite to do so.
Because this is being passed on and some of you don't have my email address you can notify me that you want to be an author by just sending me an email at info@bartendersvent.com
You will need to sign up then you can blog away. If you want to remain anonymous then go for it!
Once you are signed up you may blog away instead of chewing your co-workers ears off... I like to think of this as a Service Support Group ;-)
Peace Bloggers!
~ Dana
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Promises, promises...
We all keep saying that we should write a book about this... Just shut up, join and vent already!
:)
:)
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